P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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