She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we're making bets on your personal life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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