Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
did you just send me my own nude
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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