Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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