wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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