Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
