yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize