I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
