Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
