So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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