I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
