im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
