I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
