We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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