I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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