this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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