I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
