Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
