I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
