I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize