Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
