Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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