My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
