im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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