My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
