woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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