Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
