He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want cinnabon and vodka.