I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.