You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.