I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
