I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
