my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
