I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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