Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
