I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
