First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
