Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
