i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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