If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
