His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
