your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
