U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
