just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
