i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
