I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
