Say something about gay babies.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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