How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
