Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
