Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
