just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
