I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have aggressive nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
