Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
