just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
