do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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