So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
