Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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