just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
