I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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