Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
