i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
