The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
