His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
