i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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