You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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