Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize