In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
