did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mom said you looked used
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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