..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
