Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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