I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
