lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
