Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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