I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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