I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
