cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
